This bit is a time capsule from Dai Xin (Cierra), age 22, in Shanghai, year 2001... recently unearthed from the now-defunct icetornado website.
How-to
Using an Epilator
The epilator is an extreme machine for extreme people. Read about mine and find out how you can use your own.
Using an Epilator
I. My Epilator
The Epilator is really, really cool. I was attracted by its shiny design: picture gripping in your hand the curves of a desert landscape with a pearl-blue satin finish, topped by a row of eight shiny, revolving, mechanical pincers. It's like a very sexy android crab.
So I bought it. I took it home and plugged it in. The metal pincers whirred menacingly, flashing in the evening glow of my tianli lamp. Entranced by the fascination of it all, I let the little creature run up and down my legs and torture me for about an hour. It wasn't quite as painful as slicing myself with a knife, and it sure is a more effective hair removal tactic.
II. Buying an Epilator
The saleslady at LeGou let me read the instruction manuals for each of the different epilators they carry (all Phillips). In a variety of sizes and pastel hues, the epilators range in price from 60 to 150 Canadian dollars. I ended up buying the cheapest one because I didn't want a shaving attachment or a skin cooler or a massager with it. What's the point? I can massage with my fingers, I can cool with icewater and lavender, and I can avoid shaving for the rest of my life now that I have the epilator! My epilator is called a "Satinelle" by the manufacturers. In my opinion, although it's from the lower end of the line, it's a pretty posh product. It even comes with its own pearlized vinyl carrying case. The nylon drawstrings are a bit tacky I suppose, but one can't expect everything, can one?
III. My Epilation Expertise
Anyways, since I read all of the instruction booklets for the entire line of Phillips Epilators, and then epilated my own legs, I now consider myself to be somewhat of an epilation expert. And I do get a kick out of being an epilation hero for withstanding the pain. So, in my infinite benevolence I thought I would share my expertise with you.
IV. What is an Epilator? Epilation vs. Shaving
What is an epilator? Aside from being an object of aesthetic perfection (I'm about ready to fetishize the damn thing), it is an electronic tweezer set. You know shaving? Well, shaving is really dumb because you have to do it every few days if you want your legs to be smooth, and they are never even perfectly smooth anyways since even the next morning you can have a bit of leg stubble to wake yourself up with. No, you didn't leave sandpaper in the bed, that's what you get for SHAVING! I personally hate shaving and I never do it. Prior to last night I had both long underarm hair and long leg hair, a visual and sensory testament to my hatred of shaving. God, I'd rather grow a rainforest on my shins than have stubble. Yecch!! Stubble is for handsome boys' faces, not pretty girls' calves (unless the handsome boys' stubbly faces are getting somewhere near the pretty girls' satiny calves).
Epilating is NOT shaving. Rather than cutting your hair for you and causing skin irritations from the allergenic shaving cream, an epilator roves up and down your legs grabbing the hairs and yanking them out by the root! A much more effective method, and the violence makes it much more exciting. Even if you're allergic to metal, as I am, using the epilator is ok since it doesn't have to touch your skin. It just has to come close enough to grab those hairs.
V. Getting Ready to use the Epilator
First, if you have been growing your leg hairs, you should trim them with manicure scissors until they are a half a centimetre long or less. This is for optimum epilation.
Epilating is an extreme activity. Phillips cautions: If you have diabetes, if you are pregnant, if you have haemophilia, or if you have any type of immune definciency or reduced immune response, you should consult your doctor before using the epilator. Also, you should not use the epilator on irritated skin, skin with spots, varicose veins, or hairy birthmarks.
Since it is such an extreme hair-removal instrument, it can cause mild skin irritation. This is a normal reaction and will quickly dissappear. Well, that's a no-brainer, think of ripping out all your hairs, of course it's gonna hurt! However, Phillips and experienced epilator users all say that after epilating a few times, the user no longer feels the pain. Anyways, for the epilation virgins among us, it's a great idea to have with you a bowl of cold water with a cloth soaked in lavender. You can use this to reduce the inflammation more quickly after epilating.
Epilating works best after a bath or shower because skin and hairs must be clean and free from grease. However, they must be completely dry.
The epilator has been extensively tested for use on underarms and bikini line. BE CAREFUL with the bikini line. I would never bring an epilator anywhere near my bikini line, but then, I would never bring a bikini anywhere near my bikini line either. However, if you must dehumanize yourself by wearing a bikini, I'd rather you epilated than shaved, god, stubble is just wrong in such a nice, soft, place.
VI. Using the Epilator
Some girls change their mind about using the epilator when they hear the loud and frightening sound it makes. Those girls are obviously wusses who do not listen to enough punk music, and in my opinion they don't deserve the epilator anyways. If you want to use the epilator, you should grit your teeth and withstand the scary noise.
Pull your skin tight so the hairs stand up a bit. With the epilator at right angles to the skin, and the on/of switch facing the direction you want to move it in, epilate against the direction of hair growth. This is the stage at which many girls quit - the sudden sharp pains brought on by this violent assault upon the very roots of your leg hair make you jump at first, then they make you feel like you have to pee, but if you get over these initial reactions, it starts to be fun in a perverse sort of way. It helps if you listen to loud music (Andy Kim or New Pants are best). Don't use earphones though, it creeps me out if I can't hear the epilator working. Besides, with no loud music on, the distinct sound of the epilator will make your roommate think you are using a new vibrator. You don't want that, now, do you?
VII. After Epilating
Cool your skin with lavender icewater. Let it relax, and then treat it with your favourite cream or lotion (make sure it does not contain any alcohol). If you don't have a favourite cream or lotion, dilute ten drops of lavender oil, three drops of tea tree oil, and six drops of patchouli oil in a tablespoon of sweet apricol kernel oil and slather it all over your smooth new leggies. Admire the shine on your calves. Run your fingers up and down the smooth surface. Your legs haven't been this smooth since you were born! Try on all your anklets, put on your favourite shoes, roll your jeans cuffs up really high as though you are digging for clams at the beach... you now have fantasy ankles, so show them off!
When your leg hair starts to grow back in three to four weeks, it will be the ends of brand new hairs poking up through your skin - no stubble! New growth tends to be lighter and softer. You can re-epilate as soon as your hairs have reached 0.5 millimetres in length. Wow! If you were shaving, that would be like the next DAY! Epilating is really way better than shaving. You get three to four weeks of hair-free smoothness, and when your hair grows back it's cute soft little fluff.
When you epilate in the future, it won't hurt as much.
Take up the habit of regularly massaging your legs with a loofah. This prevents the new hairs from becoming ingrown.
Before putting your epilator away in its pearlized baggie, clean it with the brush provided. Do not use water, just whisk the hairs out of the epilating disks, put the protective cap back onto the device, admire it for a moment, and then put it away.
VIII. Conclusion
Now you can wear whatever shoes you want, whatever socks you want, whatever pants and skirts and shorts you want. I used to have to wear birkenstocks and hippie dresses in the summer if I wanted to go bare-legged and still look fashionable. Now, however, now, I can wear anything I want, from shiny pink fake-leather pants to flowery frilly miniskirts. Not that I would wear those particular things, but anyways I COULD.
Buy an epilator. Enjoy it. Admire it. Find out if you're brave enough to use it.
2009-02-13
2009-01-29
My Roller Coaster's Got The Biggest Ups And Downs
It's amazing and crazy being in this intense self-development program at this intense amazing and crazy ashram.
I have learned from physical messages inside my body and from clear messages in my dreams that my nasty old friends Judgemental, Controlling, Insensitive, Nervous, and Overanalytical are perversions of Discernment, Self-discipline, Self-protection, Awareness, and Reason... and they occur when I don't allow my emotions. My old friends turn nasty when the messages they give me about sadness and fear and vulnerability are pushed away. I've been pushing my negative emotions away in order to get stuff done ever since I was 12. Was it ever a shock to me, when I tried it in karma yoga the other day, to discover that yes I can still get stuff done even when I don't push my emotions away. It just feels more sad. Sometimes.
Yes, that is what happened. I made a decision on a high of inspiration to allow my emotions and see what happened... and the next day I was deep in a pit of despair.
I was crying all day, for all kinds of things, little things, big things, that I had just pushed away before. It was not pleasant but I did observe that I am just as capable when I am feeling negative emotions as when I am feeling positive ones, or none at all. I also observed that the feeling of dread hanging on the horizon was gone when I didn't push my sadness and fears away and just let them inhabit me. I guess the only thing I was scared of, the only thing that was really making me so anxious before was the fact that I was trying so hard all the time to hold off the rainy weather.
I missed home, my mom, my dad, my brother, my hometown, all my exes, my computer, my dead dog, my sitar, so desperately. My whole body was seething with sad longing and I knew that my sadness was inflected with earlier sadnesses I'd pushed past, just to get stuff done: people and places I'd left, turning on a dime, without ever looking back. The sadness I had felt when I got my first period at the tender age of 9 and lost my innocent belief that I would someday be a certain kind of man. Sadness from being sick and almost dying last year. Sadness from my grandma dying. Sadness from my grandpa dying. Sadness from my great-grandma dying. Sadness from not being Chinese. Sadness from not being able to fly like Peter Pan. I could get into a list... but no. That's not the point.
For two days I was the embodiment of sorrow! Crying constantly, crying all night, crying myself to sleep. I have never really let myself do that before. I just let it happen. It was soft. I had to check in often to stop from pushing it away - admit it, you're scared of this - yes I'm scared - but I want to let it happen. I want to go to this place where my emotions are allowed and I can be with myself and care for myself with my old friends, not turned nasty. Discernment, protect me - judgement, don't torment me. Etcetera.
It lasted for two days. The next day, every movement felt like making love with myself, my breath, my body. My self.
Om Nama Sivaya!
I have learned from physical messages inside my body and from clear messages in my dreams that my nasty old friends Judgemental, Controlling, Insensitive, Nervous, and Overanalytical are perversions of Discernment, Self-discipline, Self-protection, Awareness, and Reason... and they occur when I don't allow my emotions. My old friends turn nasty when the messages they give me about sadness and fear and vulnerability are pushed away. I've been pushing my negative emotions away in order to get stuff done ever since I was 12. Was it ever a shock to me, when I tried it in karma yoga the other day, to discover that yes I can still get stuff done even when I don't push my emotions away. It just feels more sad. Sometimes.
Yes, that is what happened. I made a decision on a high of inspiration to allow my emotions and see what happened... and the next day I was deep in a pit of despair.
I was crying all day, for all kinds of things, little things, big things, that I had just pushed away before. It was not pleasant but I did observe that I am just as capable when I am feeling negative emotions as when I am feeling positive ones, or none at all. I also observed that the feeling of dread hanging on the horizon was gone when I didn't push my sadness and fears away and just let them inhabit me. I guess the only thing I was scared of, the only thing that was really making me so anxious before was the fact that I was trying so hard all the time to hold off the rainy weather.
I missed home, my mom, my dad, my brother, my hometown, all my exes, my computer, my dead dog, my sitar, so desperately. My whole body was seething with sad longing and I knew that my sadness was inflected with earlier sadnesses I'd pushed past, just to get stuff done: people and places I'd left, turning on a dime, without ever looking back. The sadness I had felt when I got my first period at the tender age of 9 and lost my innocent belief that I would someday be a certain kind of man. Sadness from being sick and almost dying last year. Sadness from my grandma dying. Sadness from my grandpa dying. Sadness from my great-grandma dying. Sadness from not being Chinese. Sadness from not being able to fly like Peter Pan. I could get into a list... but no. That's not the point.
For two days I was the embodiment of sorrow! Crying constantly, crying all night, crying myself to sleep. I have never really let myself do that before. I just let it happen. It was soft. I had to check in often to stop from pushing it away - admit it, you're scared of this - yes I'm scared - but I want to let it happen. I want to go to this place where my emotions are allowed and I can be with myself and care for myself with my old friends, not turned nasty. Discernment, protect me - judgement, don't torment me. Etcetera.
It lasted for two days. The next day, every movement felt like making love with myself, my breath, my body. My self.
Om Nama Sivaya!
2009-01-25
Savasana
I breathe in, the universe breathes into me. I breathe out, breathing back into the lungs of god, reciprocating, responding in the only way I'm meant to and the way I always will. None of us will die with our lungs full of air. We always give it back before we go.
In life what comes to me, what I receive through my senses in my daily existence, like my in-breath, is what the universe gives to me. My awareness of it all and my attentiveness to it can be honed to better receive this gift. Like my out-breath, the actions that I give back out into the world also affect my own body. Every response brings me tension or relaxation. Relaxation or peace of all kinds, and stiffness or unease of all kinds: these are the binary ones and zeros of my communication with god. In and out. We are mouth-to-mouth, we are communicating in morse code. Relaxation is a reward. It's god inside me saying yesssss.... I can choose to feel this relaxation and invoke it with every action I take, accepting that god is speaking to me through my autonomic nervous system, prompting me, as one of his creatures, to do his work of creating a sattvic universe. Being aware of what I receive, creating peace with what I give back out. Yessss....
In life what comes to me, what I receive through my senses in my daily existence, like my in-breath, is what the universe gives to me. My awareness of it all and my attentiveness to it can be honed to better receive this gift. Like my out-breath, the actions that I give back out into the world also affect my own body. Every response brings me tension or relaxation. Relaxation or peace of all kinds, and stiffness or unease of all kinds: these are the binary ones and zeros of my communication with god. In and out. We are mouth-to-mouth, we are communicating in morse code. Relaxation is a reward. It's god inside me saying yesssss.... I can choose to feel this relaxation and invoke it with every action I take, accepting that god is speaking to me through my autonomic nervous system, prompting me, as one of his creatures, to do his work of creating a sattvic universe. Being aware of what I receive, creating peace with what I give back out. Yessss....
2009-01-23
Dhanurasana
The Bow. Like bow and arrow. Like Sagittarius. Like Robin Hood.
Robin Hood. I've always wished I could be a hero for myself and others. But I tell myself I can't, that I'm not strong enough. I usually feel like I would need to be stronger to be able to embody my heroic ideals. So I try to force it. Grrr! The result? Rigidity, not strength.
In The Bow, one lies on the stomach, holds the ankles with the hands, and lifts the hands and feet up while looking farther and farther forward. According to the instructions, this pose requires me to balance flexibility with strength. What strength? I feel so weak. Usually I try to get into the pose by brute force, straining to lift my legs up behind me. Grrr! The result? No power... groan, grrr, wind down, dead batteries: I'm still on the floor, unable to even imagine lifting up.
Now, one of the things yoga is about is the union of opposites. What are my opposites? And how do strength and flexibility relate to them? Since kindergarten, I have been consciously attempting to get my masculine self in balance with my feminine self. Flexibility, openness, receptivity... these "feminine" traits are at the core of my being and they have allowed me some amazing experiences throughout my life. But until recently, my masculine side has kept these delicate creatures carefully protected. My strength, which in childhood was my precocious rational-intellectual ability, has been allowed to do the talking since that was such an advantage in terms of getting me through my interactions with my confusing world. No wonder I sometimes feel weak! There's nothing tough about being a bookworm!
Yet in the Bow, I'm supposed to balance my opposites. I hadn't gone into the Bow since last fall, before my freakish illness and bizarre recovery experiences began to open up a leading role for those softer aspects of my nature. I didn't know what to expect going into the pose now. I relaxed and reached my arms back, clasping my feet. For the first time, it seemed obvious to use my super-snap-back-ability and bennnd my spine baaack while lifting up, only then using strength to stabilize myself in the pose and lift higher. In other words, for the first time in this pose I was leading with my flexibility and assigning a supporting role to my strength.
Ta-da! It was easy to come up when I used my resources in this new and different way. Is this my real balance? Am I more at home when I let my softness lead my way? In this new balance, my flexibility becomes my true "strength" and my strength acquires the "flexibility" to step back and be supportive, instead of pushy.
Maybe I can be stronger when I use the strength I do have instead of focusing on the strength I don't. Maybe I can hit my targets if I let my soft side feel my way forward, instead of squinting into the distance, hardening myself, gritting my teeth, and pushing. Maybe the strength I already have IS enough for me to be a hero after all, if I remember to use it supportively and let my gentleness lead the way.
I'm such a gentle hero that my bow shoots flowers instead of arrows! And they hit the spot!
Robin Hood. I've always wished I could be a hero for myself and others. But I tell myself I can't, that I'm not strong enough. I usually feel like I would need to be stronger to be able to embody my heroic ideals. So I try to force it. Grrr! The result? Rigidity, not strength.
In The Bow, one lies on the stomach, holds the ankles with the hands, and lifts the hands and feet up while looking farther and farther forward. According to the instructions, this pose requires me to balance flexibility with strength. What strength? I feel so weak. Usually I try to get into the pose by brute force, straining to lift my legs up behind me. Grrr! The result? No power... groan, grrr, wind down, dead batteries: I'm still on the floor, unable to even imagine lifting up.
Now, one of the things yoga is about is the union of opposites. What are my opposites? And how do strength and flexibility relate to them? Since kindergarten, I have been consciously attempting to get my masculine self in balance with my feminine self. Flexibility, openness, receptivity... these "feminine" traits are at the core of my being and they have allowed me some amazing experiences throughout my life. But until recently, my masculine side has kept these delicate creatures carefully protected. My strength, which in childhood was my precocious rational-intellectual ability, has been allowed to do the talking since that was such an advantage in terms of getting me through my interactions with my confusing world. No wonder I sometimes feel weak! There's nothing tough about being a bookworm!
Yet in the Bow, I'm supposed to balance my opposites. I hadn't gone into the Bow since last fall, before my freakish illness and bizarre recovery experiences began to open up a leading role for those softer aspects of my nature. I didn't know what to expect going into the pose now. I relaxed and reached my arms back, clasping my feet. For the first time, it seemed obvious to use my super-snap-back-ability and bennnd my spine baaack while lifting up, only then using strength to stabilize myself in the pose and lift higher. In other words, for the first time in this pose I was leading with my flexibility and assigning a supporting role to my strength.
Ta-da! It was easy to come up when I used my resources in this new and different way. Is this my real balance? Am I more at home when I let my softness lead my way? In this new balance, my flexibility becomes my true "strength" and my strength acquires the "flexibility" to step back and be supportive, instead of pushy.
Maybe I can be stronger when I use the strength I do have instead of focusing on the strength I don't. Maybe I can hit my targets if I let my soft side feel my way forward, instead of squinting into the distance, hardening myself, gritting my teeth, and pushing. Maybe the strength I already have IS enough for me to be a hero after all, if I remember to use it supportively and let my gentleness lead the way.
I'm such a gentle hero that my bow shoots flowers instead of arrows! And they hit the spot!
2009-01-22
Ombama Obamananda
The ashram got really excited about Obama's inauguration.
1. They put an Obama/Biden campaign sign on the altar in the Temple of Divine Light on the 18th and I think it is still there.
2. The morning of the 19th, it was announced that just as Barrack and Michelle had designated Martin Luther King Jr Day a "day of service" and were themselves dedicating the day to "karma yoga," so we too would engage in selfless service all day. I vaccuumed the whole Barn. (There are no actual animals in the Barn except for the girls. That's right. They named the building where they keep us "The Barn." Which makes us the...? The painting on my wall, depicting a super-hot Krishna petting his cows, answers the question. And gives me something to focus on when I feel lonely... come on Krishna, pet ME!)
3. On the 20th, in the atrium after dinner, one of the swamis showed us a video of the inauguration. Everyone crowded around and many people even sat in the lotus position with spines erect as though listening to a spiritual talk by an enlightened master. Thank goodness we were "on silence" otherwise I'm sure I would have heard some sensitive new age commentary. Not that there's anything wrong with that...
4. The next day, during evening satsang, we got a lecture featuring many references to the beautiful metaphors for the spiritual path contained in Obama's "talk." Come on, I thought... it wasn't a "talk"! It was a speech!!!
So what do you think about all that?
1. They put an Obama/Biden campaign sign on the altar in the Temple of Divine Light on the 18th and I think it is still there.
2. The morning of the 19th, it was announced that just as Barrack and Michelle had designated Martin Luther King Jr Day a "day of service" and were themselves dedicating the day to "karma yoga," so we too would engage in selfless service all day. I vaccuumed the whole Barn. (There are no actual animals in the Barn except for the girls. That's right. They named the building where they keep us "The Barn." Which makes us the...? The painting on my wall, depicting a super-hot Krishna petting his cows, answers the question. And gives me something to focus on when I feel lonely... come on Krishna, pet ME!)
3. On the 20th, in the atrium after dinner, one of the swamis showed us a video of the inauguration. Everyone crowded around and many people even sat in the lotus position with spines erect as though listening to a spiritual talk by an enlightened master. Thank goodness we were "on silence" otherwise I'm sure I would have heard some sensitive new age commentary. Not that there's anything wrong with that...
4. The next day, during evening satsang, we got a lecture featuring many references to the beautiful metaphors for the spiritual path contained in Obama's "talk." Come on, I thought... it wasn't a "talk"! It was a speech!!!
So what do you think about all that?
2009-01-19
Kurmasana
As we entered the tortoise pose, our teacher asked us, "When is withdrawal helpful in life? How can you create sacred space in your daily life?"
The harmonium broke the silence of the dark early morning; the voices of my classmates rose in response. We chanted AUM as we relaxed forward, taking refuge under our tortoise-backs in the safe cradles created by our opened legs and hips. OM...
I withdraw when I need the support and cradling of my ancient animal body self, the one that has been passed down to me through the vastest span of intergenerational time, from when we first were single-celled organisms pulsing and living and dying in rhythm with the eternal Ocean, and the tides would cycle with the Moon, and the Sun would rise and set just as it still does today with my now-human breaths to echo it, along with the four-chambered pulsing of my mammal heart. I can create my body as a sacred space by tuning in to the rhythms of Nature, to its timeless cycles that my body has evolved to mirror, to reflect, to pay tribute to. If Nature is the Mother, and imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then my Body is a living breathing upright-walking temple to Her. I myself am a form of worship, as is each creature who shares the gift of Life: we are an hommage to our sacred origins. We've been creating ourselves and each other in Her image since before time began.
And we're gonna keep on doin' it! Yeah!!!!
The harmonium broke the silence of the dark early morning; the voices of my classmates rose in response. We chanted AUM as we relaxed forward, taking refuge under our tortoise-backs in the safe cradles created by our opened legs and hips. OM...
I withdraw when I need the support and cradling of my ancient animal body self, the one that has been passed down to me through the vastest span of intergenerational time, from when we first were single-celled organisms pulsing and living and dying in rhythm with the eternal Ocean, and the tides would cycle with the Moon, and the Sun would rise and set just as it still does today with my now-human breaths to echo it, along with the four-chambered pulsing of my mammal heart. I can create my body as a sacred space by tuning in to the rhythms of Nature, to its timeless cycles that my body has evolved to mirror, to reflect, to pay tribute to. If Nature is the Mother, and imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then my Body is a living breathing upright-walking temple to Her. I myself am a form of worship, as is each creature who shares the gift of Life: we are an hommage to our sacred origins. We've been creating ourselves and each other in Her image since before time began.
And we're gonna keep on doin' it! Yeah!!!!
2009-01-18
Inside Outside Upside-Down
This is the first of what could potentially be a series of really strange posts, because I am doing really strange things in a really strange place.
I'm at Yasodhara Ashram on the shores of Kootenay Lake, British Columbia. I've signed on for a three-month course called the Yoga Development Course (YDC). This is something I've been wanting and planning to do for myself this winter for the last three years, ever since I was exposed to the teachings of the ashram's founder, Swami Sivananda Radha, at their outreach centre in Vancouver. I almost didn't make it, but I am here now, hopefully for the full three months of the course.
So what is so strange about this place and the things I am doing here?
Before I made the journey (it is easier to get to China from my hometown than it is to get here, by the way - I haven't felt this far from home since my first night in Shanghai almost 9 years ago), I was told by a wise wizard that "the energy in this area is really intense." I'd also heard from past YDC participants who I know in Vancouver that the energy at the ashram, specifically, was, again, "intense" and that "strange things" happen here. And indeed, strange things started happening as soon as I arrived. Twenty minutes after arriving, actually!
The first strange thing happened at lunch time in the dining room. Yay, after my epic 24-hour journey, I was here in time for lunch! All meals (delicious whole foods, mainly veg, organic, and local) are served buffet-style and we are all free to help ourselves. I didn't mean to dish myself up so much food, but by the time I had added a bit of this, a bit of that, and ooh there's that too? Some of that! And oh my, some of this one as well... can't pass up my opportunity for a muffin!... and brought my plate to a table where I could sit and eat the bounty, the table had turned into a toadstool and all the people had become little elves in red caps with carrots for noses.
Just kidding!
Ok, the strange thing that really happened was that as I began to eat, I briefly worried about whether I'd have trouble finishing it, and thought to myself: "I'm going to have to stop taking so much food on my plate, and then I won't have to worry about how I will get it all in." Those who know my gluttonous nature will find this thought strange indeed, but even stranger was what then happened to my thought... it spontaneously opened into another dimension!
What am I talking about? Ok, you know when you see a line painted on the wall of a building in the distance, but then you take a couple of steps forward, and it turns out that the line was actually the thin edge of a freestanding three-dimensional object not attached to the building at all? And that your depth perception just hadn't picked it up because it was foreshortened in your line of sight? Or when you take mushrooms and the moss under your feet suddenly has all this extra depth to it, and you realize that patterning was really there all along? Well the same thing happened spontaneously to my thought. It expanded outward into wider dimensions of my life: "I'm going to have to stop taking on so much, and then I won't have to worry about how I will get it all in."
Ping! Wow, could my gluttonous appetite really be the same thing as my constant "hunger" for more, more, more? My habit of taking on ridiculous amounts of plans and activities, having too much "on my plate" and then wearing myself thin trying desperately to get them all in? Pong pong pong! And that was just after being here for twenty minutes!
It happens constantly with everything. Another example is that a couple of days later, when the cold I'd caught from Seb finally kicked in, I didn't go to hatha class and kept sleeping instead. When I woke up I felt awful. Ugh, I really need to stay alone today, said my body, and so I didn't go to my other class either. Later, I learned that the assignment for that day revolved around "being with yourself" and that my classmates had been pondering the questions, "What do you do when you need to be with yourself? How do you know when you need to be with yourself? How do you create a space for being with yourself?" Ha, ha, ha... I don't! I just go and go until I get sick! Often I am not calibrated with enough precision-engineered sensitivity to detect a need to be alone, unless of course the symptoms are bold and in-my-face (literally, in-my-sinues, making it physically uncomfortable to talk to people). Just like that very day! Mere coincidence, or Coincidence?
It's like I'm living in a hall of mirrors inside my head and body and heart. Everywhere I look, reality is so vivid and jumping out at me. Oh, and did I say there are no drugs here of any kind (except coffee which I'm staying away from so far)? So I'm not high or anything. The river running under the bridge, formed of melting snow, was happening because my rigid, overintellectualizing side (symbolized by the hard, cold, frozen snow) has to "melt" and make room for my body-heart-feeling side (symbolized by the flowing water of emotions) to express its true nature in my life (what could be truer than obeying gravity and flowing downhill into Kootenay Lake... just like the stone rolling down THIS VERY HILL after me in the dream I had three years ago before even seeing this hill with the mouse who said to me, "Can't you just accept that god exists?").
The wise wizard was right... I'm just going to give up and talk like a trippy hippie myself now. The energy here is so intense, man!
I'm at Yasodhara Ashram on the shores of Kootenay Lake, British Columbia. I've signed on for a three-month course called the Yoga Development Course (YDC). This is something I've been wanting and planning to do for myself this winter for the last three years, ever since I was exposed to the teachings of the ashram's founder, Swami Sivananda Radha, at their outreach centre in Vancouver. I almost didn't make it, but I am here now, hopefully for the full three months of the course.
So what is so strange about this place and the things I am doing here?
Before I made the journey (it is easier to get to China from my hometown than it is to get here, by the way - I haven't felt this far from home since my first night in Shanghai almost 9 years ago), I was told by a wise wizard that "the energy in this area is really intense." I'd also heard from past YDC participants who I know in Vancouver that the energy at the ashram, specifically, was, again, "intense" and that "strange things" happen here. And indeed, strange things started happening as soon as I arrived. Twenty minutes after arriving, actually!
The first strange thing happened at lunch time in the dining room. Yay, after my epic 24-hour journey, I was here in time for lunch! All meals (delicious whole foods, mainly veg, organic, and local) are served buffet-style and we are all free to help ourselves. I didn't mean to dish myself up so much food, but by the time I had added a bit of this, a bit of that, and ooh there's that too? Some of that! And oh my, some of this one as well... can't pass up my opportunity for a muffin!... and brought my plate to a table where I could sit and eat the bounty, the table had turned into a toadstool and all the people had become little elves in red caps with carrots for noses.
Just kidding!
Ok, the strange thing that really happened was that as I began to eat, I briefly worried about whether I'd have trouble finishing it, and thought to myself: "I'm going to have to stop taking so much food on my plate, and then I won't have to worry about how I will get it all in." Those who know my gluttonous nature will find this thought strange indeed, but even stranger was what then happened to my thought... it spontaneously opened into another dimension!
What am I talking about? Ok, you know when you see a line painted on the wall of a building in the distance, but then you take a couple of steps forward, and it turns out that the line was actually the thin edge of a freestanding three-dimensional object not attached to the building at all? And that your depth perception just hadn't picked it up because it was foreshortened in your line of sight? Or when you take mushrooms and the moss under your feet suddenly has all this extra depth to it, and you realize that patterning was really there all along? Well the same thing happened spontaneously to my thought. It expanded outward into wider dimensions of my life: "I'm going to have to stop taking on so much, and then I won't have to worry about how I will get it all in."
Ping! Wow, could my gluttonous appetite really be the same thing as my constant "hunger" for more, more, more? My habit of taking on ridiculous amounts of plans and activities, having too much "on my plate" and then wearing myself thin trying desperately to get them all in? Pong pong pong! And that was just after being here for twenty minutes!
It happens constantly with everything. Another example is that a couple of days later, when the cold I'd caught from Seb finally kicked in, I didn't go to hatha class and kept sleeping instead. When I woke up I felt awful. Ugh, I really need to stay alone today, said my body, and so I didn't go to my other class either. Later, I learned that the assignment for that day revolved around "being with yourself" and that my classmates had been pondering the questions, "What do you do when you need to be with yourself? How do you know when you need to be with yourself? How do you create a space for being with yourself?" Ha, ha, ha... I don't! I just go and go until I get sick! Often I am not calibrated with enough precision-engineered sensitivity to detect a need to be alone, unless of course the symptoms are bold and in-my-face (literally, in-my-sinues, making it physically uncomfortable to talk to people). Just like that very day! Mere coincidence, or Coincidence?
It's like I'm living in a hall of mirrors inside my head and body and heart. Everywhere I look, reality is so vivid and jumping out at me. Oh, and did I say there are no drugs here of any kind (except coffee which I'm staying away from so far)? So I'm not high or anything. The river running under the bridge, formed of melting snow, was happening because my rigid, overintellectualizing side (symbolized by the hard, cold, frozen snow) has to "melt" and make room for my body-heart-feeling side (symbolized by the flowing water of emotions) to express its true nature in my life (what could be truer than obeying gravity and flowing downhill into Kootenay Lake... just like the stone rolling down THIS VERY HILL after me in the dream I had three years ago before even seeing this hill with the mouse who said to me, "Can't you just accept that god exists?").
The wise wizard was right... I'm just going to give up and talk like a trippy hippie myself now. The energy here is so intense, man!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
