Magnetic Woman

This is another one from my old laptop.

My mother is a magnetic woman, just like a comic book superhero.

When I was a child she used to rub herself down with Coppertone number 8, put on her bathing suit, and go out in the backyard to lie under the sun on her lawn chair. Without even trying, she would attract every butterfly in the yard. She could have four or five butterflies sitting on her: on her wrist, on her shoulder, on her ankle, on her thigh… She could reach out her hand and a butterfly would land on her finger.

My mother can also attract birds. She had always put birdseed out from fall to spring, for those birds overwintering in the yard, but when she decided to take up “birding” as a hobby, her magnetism really took over. All she had to do in order to attract species of birds that had never been seen in our yard was to sit by the window with her binoculars, look them up in her bird book, and announce her intention to see them. She’d raise her head, and there they’d be. In this way, she attracted Rufus Hummingbirds, Yellow Grosbeaks, American Goldfinches, and a whole flock of 12 white doves.

Men can’t get enough of my mother. Neither can lesbians. My mother barely needs to look at someone, and he or she is smitten. She has this effect on people of every race and creed and it has always been this way. She could be wearing anything, makeup done or not, hair long or short, bleached or dyed, spiked or smooth, carrying extra weight or super-model slim. Just one glance from her humongous owl eyes and whoever is at the receiving end starts sending her flowers at work and buying her gifts, telephoning at all hours and showing up unexpectedly.

Parking spots are also magnetically drawn to my mother, usually just outside the door of wherever she’s going, or in the shade if it’s a hot day. Mom never has to circle the block looking for a spot to park. The spots always come to her.

Jobs and are this way too. A long job search has never happened. Interviews always lead to employment. It seems she attracts the exact interview questions that her own life uniquely qualify her to answer perfectly. It was also this way when she went back to school. She was shortlisted for the School of Social Work right away and in the panel interview she got a question that, as a mature student, she was able to answer much more easily than the other, younger applicants.

Of course not all of this magnetism is a good thing. Mom has attracted her share of headaches, disillusionments, and disasters. Still, though, the solutions always collect like iron filings around a bar magnet.