DysenterySlim(TM)

This is my sad-but-true experience disguised as a joke. Read on but please laugh, don't cry :-) (by the way, it wasn't really dysentery, it was actually an extra bad strain of e. coli.. but dysentery sounds more 3rd world, so.)

Ancient Beauty Secrets of the Third World Finally Revealed!

Reading this letter might change your life.

If you’re anything like most women, ever since puberty you’ve longed for a slimmer, trimmer, more feminine figure. I’m writing today to share with you a remarkable secret – one which has already helped me drop not one, not two, but 9 dress sizes over the past month! That’s right – the process was not only INEXPENSIVE and EASY to follow, but took ONLY one month. And today I’m going to share it with YOU!

Now you too can attain a slim and beautiful figure thanks to DysenterySlim™ – the ancient Third World diet secret now available for the first time to more Western women (women like YOU) than ever before!

Join millions of women throughout history in ridding yourself of ugly fat, today! Attain your unreasonable weight and size ideals! Quickly banish unsightly bulges, extra padding... even lose enough weight to stop your menstruation! It all depends how far you want to go: with DysenterySlim™ anything is possible!

Just a few drops of DysenterySlim™’s special formula* in your food or beverage is all you need to jumpstart our all-natural weight-loss experience! The entire process will be supervised by a trained** medical doctor at a very reasonable rate***. Just one month later, your friends, family, and HANDSOME STRANGERS will not BELIEVE the new YOU!
*special formula consists of naturally contaminated water from the third world
**medical doctors have certificates that are valid in third world countries only
***third world hospital fees total approximately 32.59 USD for two weeks of treatment

But don’t take my word for it. Here’s what other successful DysenterySlim™ survivors have to say!

“I haven’t been this skinny since I was 12!”
-Jane, 25

“With the exchange rate, the hospital fees were really cheap. I didn’t even bother contacting my insurance company for coverage.”
-Nancy, 21

“I can’t believe it! All my favourite pants from my too-small box that I’d been saving for YEARS in case they ever fit me again ALL FIT ME NOW!”
-Marie, 30

“It was really easy. All I had to do was drink the formula. Then for the next three weeks, I relaxed in bed and drank 70 litres of delicious lemon-flavoured oral rehydration salts dissolved in Evian! I even got a bit of exercise going back and forth to the toilets!”
-Staci, 23

“I look like a fuckin’ supermodel!”
-Hawaii, 26

“The thing that’s different about this diet is that even though your breasts actually do shrink, they totally don’t shrink as much as the rest of your body!”
-Pammy, 28

“The special formula was really easy to swallow. I had mine in a tabouli salad and a waxberry smoothie at a tourist restaurant. I couldn’t even taste the DysenterySlim™ and it didn’t even really click that I was finally going to lose all this weight until the next morning when the process began. By that time I don’t even think I could have prevented it!”
-Hannah, 28

“My camouflage miniskirt that I haven’t been able to wear since grade ten looks absolutely HOT on me now!”
-Rebeccah, 34

“The rats in the hospital were actually kind of cute!”
-Chandini, 18

­Well, girls, if you are not convinced by all of that GLOWING survivor testimony, then let me add a FEW QUICK FACTS that will help you make YOUR decision to join the MOST EFFECTIVE diet plan EVER!

*DysenterySlim™’s special formula occurs NATURALLY in NATURE! This is the only diet system on the market that was designed by GOD!
*DysenterySlim™’s revolutionary approach using a special formula containing only naturally contaminated drinking water from Third World countries is effective on ANY woman, regardless of previous dieting experience!
*DysenterySlim™’s special formula, because it is bottled at source, is delivered to the consumer – YOU – at a mere FRACTION of the price of other diet pills, creams, and preparations!
*DysenterySlim™’s fast and effective process is overseen by trained medical doctors** in Third World Countries whose fees are often LESS THAN 1% of what you would pay at home!
*DysenterySlim™ lets YOU, the affluent Western consumer, attain body weights that previously belonged only to the beautiful and exotic women you’ve long envied on the pages of glossy international publications such as National Geographic and Fighting Famine Today!
*DysenterySlim™ is not only a quick and successful diet – it is also a cultural experience! Now YOU TOO can share the same glamorously feminine silhouette that has been enjoyed by millions of poverty-stricken, malnourished, chronically dehydrated women across the world who have no access to clean water!

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BY THE WAY if you are envying me at all right right now in that masochistic fashion-magazine-reading heart of yours, give your head a shake... Hate your thighs or your butt?? Be thankful for what you've got!!! Lotsa women and little girls in our world have to walk for six hours to bring water to their families every day, and it's usually not even clean or safe water at that!! If you want to lose weight donate your CAKE MONEY to UNICEF!!! www.unicef.org